MEMORANDUM

To: University Faculty and Staff

From: Office of Admissions

Date: September 1, 2011

Re: Tiger Cub on Campus

Be advised that during Freshmen Move-In Day, a tiger cub was spotted on campus. While this is a harmless creature, faculty should proceed with caution as tiger cubs are often closely followed by Tiger Moms. Should you see a Tiger Mom, please refrain from mentioning anything that resembles fun and extracurricular activities. The term “Social Mixers” can trigger attacks and “Spring Break” once resulted in the hospitalization of an R.A.

While we do not anticipate any serious campus threat, it is always wise to be vigilant in the university setting. Jungle animal parents can pose hidden dangers to your well-being and teaching efficacy.  Other types of jungle animal problem parents are listed below.

Ostrich Dad - Prefers to stick head in the sand or run away when confronted with a problem. Phone him and you’ll get nowhere.

Giraffe Mom – Has an amazing capacity to stick her neck out and nose in where it shouldn’t be. She’s got you on speed dial.

Hippopotamus Dad – Looks cool and harmless but one of the most aggressive of jungle animals. He acts like your friend but he’s SO not.

All faculty and staff are encouraged to travel in pairs until these parents calm down.

© Nancy Berk 2011